All that I'm Living For
by Elanor90
Summary: Kate and Abby get to know each other better and become good friends – or even more? Kate/Abby slash
1. Taking Over Me

**All that I'm Living For**

A/N: This is my first fan fic… hope it's okay. ;-)

I'm not sure yet how exactly this fic will turn out, so I just put the rating to T for now…

Oh, and I don't own anything referring to NCIS.

* * *

**Chapter One: Taking Over Me**

Kate Todd stepped out of the elevator and swiftly went into Abby's lab, a smile on her face.

"Hey Abbs", she called out happily.

Abby looked up from her computer.

"Hey! What are you grinning at?", she asked, slightly raising her eyebrows but smiling warmly at her friend.

"It's weekend, Abbs! The case is solved, the work is actually done, so if we're lucky we might actually get two whole days off! I mean, it's not like I don't like my job or anything, but the prospect of relaxing and actually sleeping a decent number of hours again, is just great."

Suddenly excited by Kate's words, Abby turned to her computer, clicked here and there a few times, and then shut it down.

"Yeah, I'm all finished here too, now. Weekend, here I come… What, you don't remember me? I'll make you!"

Kate laughed and slung her arm around Abby's shoulder. For a few years now, Kate had practically constantly been loaded with work. She had had a boyfriend from time to time but it had been a while now since she's had a real friend. And although they didn't know each other for too long yet, Kate felt a close connection to Abby, and she was quite sure that Abby felt the same way.

"So, what are your plans?", she asked, looking up at the Goth who had likewise slung her arm around Kate. _It feels good being so near to her_, Kate thought and felt a sudden warmth spread throughout her body, _it feels so good to have her as a friend_.

"Don't know…", Abby said frowning, "You only just made me realize my luck, so… But hey, you know what we could do? We could got out. I'll show you some cool places of the Goth scene, like we had planned to!"

Abby looked expectantly at Kate, who tried to avoid her glance. She wanted nothing more than to hang out with Abby and considered it for a moment, but it really had been a tough week and, though she had never been out with Abby before, she guessed that a night out with her would be quite exhausting.

"Well…You know, I really want to get to know your scene some day, but…I'm kinda worn out. I'd rather lay back tonight, you know? Please don't take this the wrong way, Abbs…"

Abby's face had fallen slightly at first and Kate feared to have hurt her new friend, but to her relief it lit up again almost instantly.

"Then, how about if we just grab a DVD, order in some food and just relax?… Or we'll just meet another time, it's really all right Kate, sorry, you already said you were worn out. I didn't mean to push you, God, I never know when to stop. I –"

"Whoa!", Kate said thrusting her hands into the air and so effectively silencing Abby, "I'd really love to 'grab a DVD, order in some food and just relax'… My place or your place?"

The two friends grinned at each other and left the lab linking arms with each other.

"So… You saw Tony naked!?", Abby said again, unbelievingly, and then burst out laughing.

"Stop laughing!", Kate called and hit Abby with one of her black cushions, but couldn't sop herself from joining in.

After the two had calmed down again, Abby looked her friend directly in the eyes.

"So…were you attracted?", she asked in a curious tone.

"What?!", Kate choked, starting to cough. Abby was always so straightforwardt, a characteristic that she actually loved about her.

When her eyes had stopped watering she looked back up at Abby. They were both lying on Abby's couch, but the Goth had sat up a bit, so she had a better view of Kate.

"How come you never told me before, anyway?", she asked suspiciously looking her up and down. Kate started to rub her forearm, slightly confused at the fact that goose bumps had just erupted all over her body under Abby's intense stare.

"I don't know… I never really had a chance to tell you before now. And no, I'm _not _attracted to him, neither was I when I saw him naked."

"So you're telling me that you saw him completely naked and you didn't feel anything at all? Are you being entirely truthful, Special Agent Todd?"

Abby lent towards Kate, locking eyes with her. Kate felt the tiny hair on her neck standing up and shivered slightly.

"Yes, I am saying nothing but the truth, Abigail Sciuto."

Abby tensed at the sound of her full first name and was about to tell Kate off for using it, but instead lent back against the sofa when she noticed Kate closing her eyes and sighing.

_I might as well tell her_, Kate thought.

"To be honest, I was kinda surprised myself", Kate began hesitantly, her eyes still closed, " I wasn't really sure of my feeling towards Tony. Naturally, we've spent a lot of time together these last few months and I've definitely been feeling a strong bond of friendship developing between Tony and me… I just wasn't sure whether that bond was really of a mere platonic nature…

But when I saw him, I really didn't feel any… longing, or anything" – Kate shot a quick glance at Abby – "It was not like his body was unattractive though, not at all… I don't know…"

Kate stopped and, to her embarrassment, felt her cheeks turning red.

Abby smiled at her, reassuringly, and Kate felt immensely grateful that the Goth had apparently sensed that further teasing was the least she needed right now.

"Well, then he's probably just not your type. Better that way, anyway, as you're not allowed to date your colleagues – at least no other agents.

Me and Ducky, we don't count though; we can date anyone we like", Abby added, grinning wickedly, "Come on, let's watch that movie now".

Abby put in the DVD and then sat back down on the coach, closer to Kate than before. She had grabbed a black blanket, nicely matching the crimson sofa, before sitting down and now used it to cover herself and Kate. The cuddled together comfortably and Abby laid her head on Kate's shoulder.

After the movie had ended, they stayed on the sofa for a long time, talking.

_We've never talked much about anything but work before today_, Kate realized. She was happy that they got along so well and that she now had the chance to get to know the forensics scientist better.

When they had entered Abby's apartment earlier that evening, Kate had been overwhelmed. There was no escaping the fact that Abby was truly a Goth – almost everything seemed to be black or red – but Kate had immediately felt comfortable.

Their conversation had gradually become more quite, until Kate finally asked sleepily: "What time is it, Abbs?"

"Err… Past 3 a.m.", she answered glancing up at her _A Nightmare Before Christmas_ wall clock.

Yawning, Kate slowly sat up from her half-lying position.

"What, really? Well, I guess I should get going then…"

Kate was about to stand up, when she felt a hand grab her right wrist.

"Or you could just stay here", Abby said still holding on to Kate, "If you like, feel free to stay… that is if you don't mind sharing my, err… bed with me."

Kate didn't notice Abby's hesitation before using the word 'bed' as she was busy taking in what her friend had just proposed. She looked at Abby and immediately knew from the look in her eyes, that she really wanted her to stay. And she didn't feel like leaving, anyway.

"Come on Kate, it's the weekend!", Abby exclaimed, before Kate could answer, of course not knowing that the other woman had already made up her mind to stay.

Kate suppressed a grin and put on stubborn face.

"But I don't have any pajamas nor a toothbrush."

"I can give you anything and all you need", Abby said enthusiastically, unintentionally making Kate blush for the second time that night. _God, what is wrong with me…,_ she thought bemused, _I hope Abbs didn't notice_. The Goth apparently hadn't. She stood up and dragged Kate on behind herself towards her bathroom, still holding on to her wrist.

"I'm quite sure I have a spare toothbrush. Come on, let's go check."

Some minutes later they were in Abby's bedroom. Kate was wearing a long black T-shirt with an imprint of some heavy metal band. Abby had refused to turn on the light, but still Kate noticed that Abby's "box-sofa-bed" looked a bit strange. Suddenly, her eyes widened.

"Abby, is that a _coffin_?!?"

"Erm, kind of, but it's real comfy. And you know, if one day the inevitable takes place you guys won't have to worry 'bout getting me a suitable coffin… You're not leaving, are you?", she quickly added when she didn't receive an answer.

Kate chuckled.

"You're crazy, Abbs! Did you think I wouldn't notice if you kept the lights off?"

Abby grinned guiltily.

"Well…it worked with McGee…"

"What?!", Kate exclaimed feeling a twinge of jealousy and at the same time knowing how foolish that was, "You slept with McGee in this coffin?"

"No!", Abby said thrusting her hands into the air to underline her words, "I mean, yes, we did share it, and we both did sleep, but not _with_ each other."

Kate gave her a suspicious look, but couldn't help smiling a little – of relief?

"You want me to believe that you slept here with McGee and that _nothing_ happened between the two of you? Come on Abbs, tell me the truth!"

Kate crossed her arms and looked expectantly at the other woman. She believed her; if Abby had slept with McGee she would surely have reacted differently: probably with a mischievous grin on her face. But this was Kate's chance to get back at Abby for questioning her about Tony.

Abby nodded her head violently, making her piggy tails swing around madly.

"That is the truth, I swear. Really! Look, I don't sleep with everyone I share this bed – coffin – with. So don't worry… I've got no plans of seducing you", Abby added with a mischievous glimmer in her eyes. Kate felt her stomach squirm at those words, but chose to ignore it and instead tried to overplay her confusion.

"Oh, that's good. I wouldn't want you going through all the difficulties of becoming gay just for me", Kate said joking.

"I wouldn't have to!", Abby said matter-of-factly, turning to her coffin and pulling back the sheets. When Kate didn't react, Abby shot a quick glance at her friend who was clearly confused.

"I'm bi", she explained airily and got into her bed.

Kate just stood there, as if paralyzed, not knowing what to think.

"So, are you coming or what?" Abby looked pointedly at the empty place beside her.

"I had you so close to sharing my coffin with me… I didn't lose you now, did I?"

Kate blinked a few times, then quickly shook her head and lay down next to Abby.

"'Course not", she mumbled, immensely grateful for the darkness as she felt herself blush again.

"Good", Abby replied snuggling up to her friend. Kate couldn't suppress a content sigh. _It felt so good to be near her.

* * *

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A/N: Though I've spent some years of my childhood in the USA, English is not my mother tongue, so if I happen to have made any major mistakes, like using an idiom incorrectly or so, don't hesitate to tell me!

I'd also appreciate constructive criticism referring to the content and of course I'm grateful for any review!

Thank you for reading!


	2. Deep Within

**Chapter two: Deep Within**

Kate felt warm and comfortable. Something was tickling her face. She heard deep and steady breathing and suddenly tensed. She carefully opened her eyes and stared right into thick black mane of hair. She looked around wildly and then, finally realizing where she was, almost laughed out loud. Kate turned back to Abby, who was lying with her back towards her. Kate moved a bit closer and lifted herself up, so that she could look over Abby's shoulder into her face.

Abby's eyes were tightly shut, a furrow showing on her forehead. She looked as if she was highly concentrated and Kate laughed softly when the thought came to her mind that Abby was probably just reliving a particularly difficult case in her dream.

She hesitated for a moment and then drew out her hand to push back a strand of black hair behind Abby's ear. She let her fingers softly brush over her friend's cheek while doing so.

_You are so beautiful_, Kate thought.

"Thanks. So are you," Abby muttered, her eyes still closed.

Kate winced and laid back down on her back, feeling as if caught red-handed. Had she really said that out loud?

"God, Abby, I thought you were asleep!" she exclaimed.

"Well, aren't I?" Abby mumbled and turned to face Kate without opening her eyes. "At least I was before you started talking". Abby extended her hands until she found Kate's waist and pulled herself closer to her, snuggling into her side. "So, shut up and let me continue dreaming."

Abby's breathing started to deepen again almost immediately and Kate relaxed, slowly drifting back to sleep herself, a smile on her face.

* * *

In the following months Abby and Kate hung out practically constantly when their working hours allowed them to. A year after their first sleepover, sleeping in a coffin had become one of the most natural things to Kate and she had become somewhat of an expert in drawing gothic pictures. She loved drawing Abby – and Abby loved hanging up her pictures in her lab or her home.

Even after months and months Kate was not entirely sure of her feelings towards Abby. The Goth had become her best friend and the most important person in her life. Sometimes she caught herself dreaming of more, dreaming of a romantic relationship to Abby. But then again she was perfectly happy with the situation as it was and she had no intentions of putting their friendship at stake.

It was a sunny Saturday afternoon, almost two years after Abby and Kate had first met. They had the day off and were taking a walk through a park near Abby's apartment.

Kate laughed out loud at a joke Abby had just told her and took her best friend's hand in hers almost subconsciously. They walked over a stone bridge, crossing a small river, hand in hand. They did this ever so often that walking beside each other without their hands touching seemed almost unnatural to them.

Kate enjoyed the warm sun on her face and turned to smile at Abby, sighing in happiness.

"You know what, Abby? You've become the most important person in my life – have I ever told you that? I can't imagine a life without you anymore. I mean… you're always there! We work together, we hang out together after work, we spend all of our week ends together… And never, ever do I get sick of you. You're part of everything that I love. I love my work – and you're there. I love drawing – and you're my favorite motif. Basically, you sum up all that I'm living for."

Abby looked at her friend in surprise, a smile slowly spreading on her lips.

"Wow… thank you. But you know what? I can say the same thing way faster. I love you."

Kate blushed and let go of Abby's hand as her own was suddenly beginning to sweat. "I-I didn't…"

"What, wasn't that what you wanted to say?" Abby asked softly, halting in front of Kate so she was forced to look at her.

Kate stared back at Abby and swallowed hard, but was unable to answer.

Abby's eyes widened as she began to interpret the confusion she read all over Kate's face.

"Oh dear…" she began. "I'm sorry, Kate! Look, I didn't mean make it sound like I was in love with you! I didn't mean to put pressure on you… I just meant that I really love you – as a friend. And that's what you were saying, right? So let's just leave it at that, alright?" Abby leant forward and gave Kate a quick peck on the cheek, making her blush even deeper. She drew her head back again and smiled down at the somewhat smaller woman, but frowned slightly when she saw that Kate was still not smiling.

"No, Abbs," Kate finally said slowly. "You- you got it wrong. I didn't intend to tell you this at all, but…. I do love you. But not only as a friend." Kate, who had been staring at the ground, now lifted her head to look at Abby. "I love you," she repeated.

Abby stared at her colleague, her mouth slightly open.

"Yeah…" Kate sighed, starting to turn away. _Great, now she had done it. She had ruined their friendship_. Again and again she had told herself friendship was all she wanted and needed, and now she'd lost everything.

But before she had even gone two steps she felt a hand grab her arm. "Where do you think you're going?" she heard Abby's demanding voice.

"Abby, please, don't…" Kate sighed. She felt Abby letting go of her arm – and instead suddenly felt two hands cupping her face and gently turning her head. Finally facing Abby again, Kate had only a second to take in Abby's passionate expression before she felt the Goth's black lips crashing down on hers.

Kate wrapped her arms around Abby's waist and closed her eyes. She relished the feeling of Abby's soft lips against her own and gladly allowed the kiss to be deepened.

After a few long moments they slowly drew apart and Kate opened her eyes to see Abby smiling down at her once more, their faces mere centimetres apart.

"I love you, too, Kate. As a friend… and so much more."

The next few weeks were like heaven to Kate. Her relationship to Abby became more intense every day and she couldn't remember how she had been able to live without kissing Abby, without feeling her slender body against her own every night.

Then, one day, her seemingly ever-lasting happiness was somewhat dampened when she found out that Ari was involved in their current case. Memories of her previous encounters with the terrorist came back to her and Kate had the strange feeling they'd meet again soon – one last time. She would never now how right she had been.

* * *

"I love you, Kate," Abby whispered and let a single black rose fall down onto Kate's grave. Tears streamed down her cheeks, leaving back a black trail of mascara and eye liner.

Over the last two years Kate had become increasingly more and more important to Abby, until, merely a few weeks ago, their relationship had reached a point of such intensity, Abby couldn't imagine a life without her any longer.

And now she was confronted exactly with that. A life without Kate.

More tears flowed down her cheeks as she slowly walked away, letting others pay their last respects towards Kate.

The only thing that had kept Abby alive these last few days had been the need of catching Kate's murderer. Now that this had been done, she felt empty, drained of any emotion. At night, when she lay alone in her bed, she felt the nothingness inside her engulf her, threatening to strangle her to death.

The next weeks passed by painfully slowly, but Abby could later hardly remember them. She worked more than she needed to, staying late every night, finding at least a little solace in the presence of her colleagues, especially Gibbs.

Some weeks after Kate's death a Mossad agent joined Gibbs' team, an agent that had been somehow related to Ari – and Abby immediately hated her.

Slowly, coping with her loss became easier to Abby, as she now transmitted all of her pain onto hating Ziva David. Hatred and anger were none of Abby's preferred emotions – but they were better than feeling nothing at all.

Weeks turned to months, and as time slowly helped Abby –not to forget Kate- but to slowly let the wounds heal, her hatred towards Ziva began to subside.

She began to accept the situation as it was, and she even learned to love the scars in her heart – the scars that made sure she still frequently thought of Kate, but nevertheless allowed her to move on and even enjoy her life.

Abby knew that she would always love Kate, and every night, when she went to sleep in her coffin, she imagined joining Kate wherever she was now. She already had the coffin – death would come to pick her up soon enough.

As Abby was now lying there in her bed, staring at the ceiling, she couldn't help but smile. Others might think her to be crazy – but she found the thought of Kate and her one day being reunited in death to be extremely romantic.

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A/N: Okay… I'm really sorry this took so long! I kinda had no concept when I started this fic… And I turned to writing other fics instead. But I didn't want to leave this one unfinished, so, well, I finished it. XD

I didn't plan to end this with Kate's death… it just sort of happened. Hope you forgive me and enjoyed this update anyway.


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